A Leadership Failure That Changed How I Lead (And What It Taught Me).
Have you experienced leadership failure?
When I look back over my career, I see a list of incredible opportunities, meaningful work, and one dream team.
But I also see periods of time that led to burnout.
Here is a true account of one job that did just that. At the time, I thought I was modelling textbook leadership. In reality, I was contributing to my own leadership failure.
I was a Team Leader managing seven social workers in a city hospital. It felt like a role I could stay in for the next 10 years.
I lasted 18 months.
What I Thought Textbook Leadership Looked Like
At that stage in my career, I had enough experience to form strong beliefs about leadership.
I’d managed teams across different services, completed formal leadership development, and had just started a Masters of Management. On paper, I knew what good leadership looked like.
I believed:
Teams worked for the collective good
Leaders needed to be both confident and competent
Management and leadership were essentially the same
These beliefs were shaped by environments where teams were aligned and high-functioning.
I’d seen what “great leadership” looked like. Mentors who were decisive, respected, and effective.
What I hadn’t experienced was what happens when those conditions don’t exist.
The Leadership Failure
The challenge came down to one uncomfortable truth: the team had no interest in being managed.
There’s a gap in leadership development that no one talks about; some teams resist leadership altogether.
Their default is avoidance, resistance, and disengagement. And any attempt to address performance is met with pushback.
In my first week, I noticed a pattern.
The team would gather in the hospital cafeteria for up to 90 minutes each day. It was framed as connection and support but it had become a cultural norm that went unquestioned.
A fellow Team Leader pulled me aside and said: “This is a problem. You need to fix it and fast.”
So, I did.
Where I Got It Wrong
There’s a long list of things I got wrong. Some were obvious immediately. Others took years to fully understand.
Mistake 1: I tried to build consensus on everything
I believed good leadership meant getting everyone on board. So I over-explained, over-discussed, and tried to convince.
Mistake 2: I overcorrected
When I acted, I didn’t ease in. I cannonballed.
The issue wasn’t just what I addressed but the timing, approach, and lack of groundwork. I took months to address problems I identified straight away. I addressed it at a team meeting and without really preparing myself for the fall out that followed.
Mistake 3: I relied on leadership that wasn’t there
I assumed my manager would guide me through complex people challenges.
Instead, I got cancelled meetings, shortened conversations, and surface-level validation with no real direction.
The Impact of This Leadership Failure
One of the hardest parts of leadership failure is proximity. You’re too close to see the impact in real time.
Looking back, the impact was clear:
The team informally appointed their own leader … and it wasn’t me
Trust eroded as my intentions were questioned
Performance remained low, and complaints continued
But the deeper cost was cultural. The team learned that resistance could outlast leadership.
Over time, “good enough” became the standard. And that sat completely at odds with my values.
The Realisation
There were many moments that made me question whether I was capable of leading this team.
Being anonymously sent job applications.
Being gossiped about.
Being consistently undermined.
But the defining moment came in a conversation with my manager. After months of trying to work through these challenges, she shrugged and said: “What can you do? They just don’t want to be managed.”
That was a reality I wasn’t willing to accept.
What This Taught Me About Leadership
This experience reshaped how I think about leadership.
My biggest lesson?
Leadership and management are not the same. Confusing the two comes at a cost.
I was trying to lead without first establishing the foundations of management. Teams need clarity, expectations, and accountability.
I assumed alignment instead of creating it.
I sought consensus instead of setting direction.
And I looked for leadership above me, instead of anchoring myself in my own.
What I’d do differently now:
Set a clear vision early and communicate it consistently
Define expectations before trying to influence behaviour
Build a leadership approach grounded in values, not approval
Act sooner, with intention, not reaction
If You’re Leading Right Now
If you recognise yourself in this, ask yourself: Where am I seeking agreement instead of setting direction?
One of the hardest parts of leadership is recognising when you’ve contributed to the problem. It’s uncomfortable but it’s also where real growth happens.
What Next?
If you liked this article, you’ll love The Friday Fundamentals: a practical leadership insights grounded in real-world experience, not theory.